"How the fuck do I change my money mindset?"
This piece is from Steph Jagger's column, Words to the Motherfuckin' Wise, where you can submit your big Q's and she'll jam on 'em for you.
Q: How the fuck do I change my money mindset?
Sometimes I feel I need to be grateful for what I already am making, for all the things I’ve accomplished so far...
But sometimes I feel like that just isn’t logical and I desire more and it’s just not enough. talking about money is hush hush for a lot of entrepreneurs, but I think we need to talk about it more.
Oh my little money bunny, you’re bang fucking on with this one and I love ya for it.
As you probably know by now, I’m a fairly big fan of throwing things like “hush hush,” and “we can’t, that’s taboo,” and “sorry but that’s the status quo,” right out the freaking window.
So let’s do that and serve up some truth on this bad boy.
Are you ready for that? Thought so. Money bunnies are basically born ready.
First of all, I want you to stop in your little tracks and I want you to ask yourself this — Who told you that you can’t be grateful for what you have AND want more at the very same time?
Now that I think of it, it was probably more than one person. Regardless, whoever it was, they were lying to ya. Or maybe they were just uninformed, or scared, or maybe they didn’t/don’t feel worthy enough themselves so they thought they’d pull some rabbit rules out of a hat to make themselves feel better or more righteous. Heck, maybe they were The Patriarchy. Anyway, consciously or not, they were lying. And you know what wise women like us do when we come across big fat lying liars? We say, “Thanks but no thanks. I’m not going to buy into the story you’re selling, the one you’ve built your wobbly little house of cards right on top of.” And then we make like NSYNC and we do that “Bye Bye Bye” thing with our hands…or in your case, you do it with your cutsie little bunny paws.
You see, using The Gratitude Excuse (as in “you should be grateful for what you have, and never never ask for more because you’ve already been given a fair bit”), well, it does two things:
Numero Uno: It cements a scarcity mentality. And money bunny, I can tell that you’re already calling bullshit on that. There is MORE than enough to go around. Is it being distributed evenly or even fairly at the moment? No. But should that distribution mean that money bunnies like us just sit on our haunches made of gratitude and do nothing about it? Fuck no. It means we’ve got to say, “Halle-fucking-lujah that I was able to pay the rent this month,” at the same time as saying, “Whoever’s in charge of the money floodgates – yeah…open ‘em up right now cuz I got me some ideas of how I’d like to use it, the empire I’d like to build, and the freedom I’m gonna be creating for myself and others when I’m swimming in it.”
Numero Dos: It allows us to stay small, instead of playing our biggest game and knocking multiple homers right out of the fucking park. It’s — ooooh money bunny, I’m sorry if this hurts but the Band-Aid needs to come off here — it’s a hunk of privileged bullshit. It’s A big ole bushel of bullshit used by society to keep wise women like us in their place, because otherwise, God forbid, we might rise up like Wonder Women, tear the doors off The Patriarchy, grab all the cash we wanted, and then, rather graciously, hold the doors of the Universe wide fucking open for all the other members of our Universal girl gang to get all up in that moola.
So let’s take polarization out of the “gratitude” and “desire for more” equation. It’s not an either or, black and white, you must choose this or that, kind of thing.
And now, let’s talk about the actual mindset inside that bunny brain of yours, yes?
Given your track record with money — and I want you to conger up all your past experiences with it, like how you pay your bills, or what happens when you deposit a big fat check from a client, or how you deal when you’re hit with a surprise bill that you can just and I mean JUST pay given what’s in your account in that moment —think about all of that and play with me now.
If in all of those experiences, money had been a person, like an actual walking, talking, breathing, heart-thumping son-of-a-gun person what would it tell me about your interactions? About how you have treated it in the past, and how you treat it now?
Basically, if Money knocked on your front door, how do you greet it?
Do you grab it by the arm, hush it as it’s trying to introduce itself, and then stuff it under the seat cushions? Do you scream, “Oh holy fuck. You’re here!!! I thought you’d NEVER show up!” before running out the door to drink wine all night, or dragging it into your office so you can go on a mad online shopping binge without ever letting it get a word in edgewise? Or do you simply say, “Great. Glad you’re here. But you know what? Now that I see you, I gotta say, I’m a little disappointed…you’re just not, oh fuck how do I say this to your face…well, enough for me.”
What’s your track record, my bunny? And what does that track record tell you? Do you want to keep it the same? Is your track record helping you and your relationship with Madame Greenback? Or is it, perhaps, when you really think about it, really fucking things up? Is the story you have about money serving both of you, or is it time to flip the script? If it’s serving both of you, perhaps all you have to do is tell The Patriarchy to take a seat and move “gratitude” and “I want more please” closer together. If it’s not, well maybe you need to do both, tell The Patriarchy there’s a new queen in town AND rewrite your money script. Perhaps I’ll start by suggesting that you pen a love note to abundance, an I-see-my-faulty-ways-and-here’s-how-I’m-changing kind of deal, and then, well, take it to the metaphorical bank.
Yours as I sit on my couch with Money at my side — we’re drinking champagne together and planning a full and oh-so-divine abundance-for-all takeover of the Universe. In fact, I just turned to her and said, “I’m so grateful you’re here AND I just want to see more and more and more of you!”
Who gon’ stop me,
Dig this and want more letters from Steph?
We got you.
All of Steph's letters from her column are bundled up into a sweet little eBook we called Words to the Wise.
80+ pages of straight-talking, hard-walking wisdom that we know you're gonna flip for. Think no bullshit questions and no bullshit answers, served with heaps of love, and sometimes, because we want y'all to get woke AF, a slap across the cheek.