But... HOW do you win at your own game?


So last week I got an email that hit me right in the feels, and I felt I had to share it with you, and also what my response was.

If you’ve been struggling comparing yourself to others in your industry or wondering how the hell to ‘stand out’, this is all for you.

The email ::

As usual, I’m loving everything you put out. Just itching to get my hands on the next issue of The Unmistakable Effect.

I’ve always loved your message. I have the “be devoted as fuck to winning at your own game” screen on my phone so I see it 100 times a day.

The thing I’m struggling with most is how?

I read your Instagram post about not following gurus (this one) and then saw all the comments and felt disheartened. I get the shift away from webinars and everything being sponsored etc, but what do I do if everything I teach and say sounds so cliche? How do I break away from what everyone is sick of, and do something refreshing and true?

I definitely walk my talk and it’s something so many people have noticed and praised me for, but I still don’t know how to stand out from all the other online folks who are doing the same old same old and selling low value shit. I know I offer gold, but I don’t know how to show it. In 2017 I attended a lot of events and bought plenty of programs and was for the most part disappointed. It made me angry that people are tainting the industry and making everyone skeptical.

I know I can do better and I’m ready to stop playing that game. I just don’t know how.

What I’m excited for this year is the possibility. The option to choose a different path. And that I feel so fucking hungry for a new way that I’m willing to do whatever it takes. Even if I’m a pioneer.

I’d love your feedback. I’m ready for the brutal honesty. I’m ready to branch out and take risks.

Thank you for what you do and for always making this a two way conversation.

And here’s my reply ::


Oh man your email hit me in the feels.

First off, thanks so much for the love and taking the time to email me!

I'm sorry you felt disheartened by that post too... BUT one thing I probably could have expanded more on, I don't think there has to be a big shift away from the webinars and affiliates and that stuff — it's more just HOW we're doing it. Like if it works for you and it gets you bloody stoked — go for it. I def don't think we should feel 'bad' about any of that stuff either, all that matters is how it makes us feel and how it can serve our people. *1

On the 'standing out' thing... Hmmm this is good. What I'd say is this (this is also what I tell myself when I feel the same) — Part one is not 'partaking' in the industry so much. It's not to throw shade or anything, its more just that to do our best work we can't be caring what everyone else is doing, even when they're pushing shitty products and overselling things. I know this is rough cause I struggle with it a lot too (it also makes me pretty angry and disheartened), but that's big... We can't control what everyone else does, but we can control what WE do. Just staying in our own lanes and being very selective about who we follow and engage with. *2

The other thing I learned from my early days of biz, and something I'm trying to remind myself of a lot at the moment, is that we gotta put everything we got into our work and let it speak for itself. You know what they say about word of mouth hey... It's not wrong. *3

So I guess, ask yourself this —

  • What if you just stopped buying into the shit your industry is selling, or telling you you 'have' to do? And then...
  • What if you devoted yourself to THE WORK?

I don't know if that's helpful or not! Haha. Let me know.

Keep doin' your thing,


So expanding on my email reply, I got a couple things to add ::

*1 // The HOW is the big player here. 🤔

Although I do genuinely feel we’ve got less space for selling and products and launches in our brains these days, this should never put us off getting our work out into the world. Don’t let this shit dishearten you, fam. Getting paid and making bank and doing work that gets us jazzed, so we can KEEP doing more of that is where it’s fucking at. We should never feel bad about that.

Also... My whole thing with the original Instagram post was that we're catching onto shit. You can just tell when someone is doing the webinars and the opt-ins and all of that, without really having a bigger 'why' or anything driving them forward. There's a huge vibe + energy difference between the people who are stoked about the work they're doing, and those who maybe aren't — regardless of how you're promoting it in the world. And it's with all of the noise and other shit going on in the world that we're getting more in tune with that, I reckon. So, your energy is everything.

*2 // This might sound mega simple — to just not partake in your industry as much — but it can have such a HUGE impact on how you approach your work and your business. 🙏

This is something I’ve tried to be pretty conscious of since I started my business (even though I do still trip up here and there) and I’m damn sure it’s had a lot to do with me crafting my own style and vibe. While I believe everything is a remix and nothing is truly ‘original’, the more you can step away from trends and what everyone else is doing and what’s expected of you, the more you’re giving yourself a chance to create from your soul and to make something that people haven’t seen before.

You can still have friends and be supportive of people who are doing similar shit to you without knowing every single little thing they're doing. Hey… Be a little fucking naive if thats what it takes. 😜

*3 // Do good work.

So simple. So cliche and so rarely taken seriously. This is something I'm focusing on personally big time right now... I learned it in the early days of my business when all I cared about was being fucking good at what I did, and creating awesome shit for my clients. It paid off and word of mouth advertising fuelled my business for years. Going back to the first point... Your energy is everything. Throw yourself into your zone of genius and see what happens.

So, don’t let a shift in industries dishearten you, or stop you. Things are gonna change, that’s inevitable, all that means for us is that we gotta be aligned as fuck with what we're creating and putting out into the world. 🤗

Lemme know if this email resonated with you or if you have any thoughts to add! 

ps. I got a reply from the person who sent the original email and they said my reply was super helpful, which is what inspired me to share it. (Because lets be honest, I wouldn't share it if it was shit advice, haha). 😉